Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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