so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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