I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize