Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
