I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I stole a fireplace last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize