Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
