it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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