i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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