I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
