butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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