Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
