just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
