dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
