So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you would pick up someone in the library
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
