I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize