It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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