You're so nebulous sometimes
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can't special order awesome
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
