I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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