Screwed.edu
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
