i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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