I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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