**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
the raccoons are back...
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