Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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