I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
