yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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