i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
