He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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