I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
