i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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