i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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