theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
