that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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