I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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