I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
