I wish life had little blips of pornography
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
