My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
