i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
