her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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