She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
