I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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