I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
