he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
