Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
