Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
