Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
