I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
