why didn't you poke me back
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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