If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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