doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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