Betty ford says i'm here all night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize