she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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