I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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