Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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