There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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