Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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