I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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