It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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