You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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