I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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