My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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