oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
birth control should be required to get into college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
