For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
