Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
