Life is so much better after having sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
