ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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