Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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