i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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