Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
