Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
